Twilight vs Real Life

Okay, so it's kind of a silly title, I full admit that. I started reading through the Twilight books again because it was a few years, the movies are all finished and it was a little sad for me. Plus, the books are so much more awesome than the movies. Call me a dork or a Twihard, I don't care. The books are simply amazing! The movies are good, I guess but the books just really explain so much more and you can really understand why the characters feel the way they do. The movie just feels so rushed.
So anyway, like I said, reading through the books again. I was toward the end of Eclipse. Reading through the books super fast because they are really good and they make me happy. They also make me sad, too. It's always been that way. I never could put my finger on it.
Last night, being alone again, it hit me... I was Bella. Not quite exactly. I was a lot more outgoing than she is in the books and actually enjoyed being with friends and my then-boyfriend wasn't a vampire. But there I was, in high school and I (re)met this amazing guy. I already knew him but we weren't really friends until that year. He was really cool, so funny and I genuinely just could talk to him for hours. I asked him to the homecoming dance, just as friends, because my boyfriend at the time was grounded. So we were friends. I invited him to my birthday party in March and that's when things really took off. From that night on, he became my best friend. He told me he loved me, too. In May, after spending so much time with him, I realized that I loved him, too. I broke up with my old boyfriend and started dating him.
Everything was perfect. I hate to compare it to a fictional relationship because it was so much more than that but it was a lot like Bella and Edward. He was my life and I was his. We were 2 halves of one whole. Always touching in some way, wanting to be with each other constantly, I'm sure he would have even broken into my bedroom to watch me sleep if he'd been able. I found my soul mate. He proposed to me in October and, unlike Bella, I didn't hesitate to say yes. We were married in June and we were so excited to start a family.
Fast forward to today and things are so different. We've had quite a few disagreements about how uninterested he seems in me. The time we spend together is always doing something like reading or watching tv. We don't really just sit and talk. He pretty much never touches me unless I initiate some kind of touch. I try to but it's really hard to always be the only interested. I don't want to get too personal in this blog, but he might just be the least interested in sex man out there. It's kind of depressing. I get it... life is stressful, we're in the process of raising all these kids, and we're both just flat out tired. But if I can find the energy, then why can't he? I feel worthless, wondering what happened to us. I know he's faithful and if I straight out ask him if he's attracted to me or even likes me, he says that he does. It's just hard to believe when his actions state otherwise.
So it makes me happy because it's a great love story and I can relate to the feelings in the book. But it makes me sad because I'm not Bella any more. Or maybe my husband isn't Edward any more is a better way to put it. I haven't been able to read much since I had this realization last night. He's once again in bed early for the night and normally I would just pick up my book and read but now I don't know if I can. I've been neglecting the cleaning with all the time I've been spending reading so maybe I'll just work on that. All the time fantasizing that my "Edward" will come back. Maybe it's like in New Moon when he leaves and Bella is just devastated that he's gone. Maybe that's where we're at. I know it seems silly to compare my life to what is considered by a lot to be a young adult book about vampires and werewolves, but it is what it is.